He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize