I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
