Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
