we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
