it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
