I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
