Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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