he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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