Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My room smells like vodka and shame
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize