When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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