I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
