2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
