so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
