Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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