woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Actions speak louder than pants.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
