a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
