As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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