i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
