I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
