Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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