soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
