I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
