Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize