He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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