i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
