i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He did a backflip because drugs
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
