I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
this beer tastes like vomit already
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
