I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
