So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
