I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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