What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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