So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
