I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
