He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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