Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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