Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
