Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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