I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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