I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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