Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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