Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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