Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
