Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
