Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
