Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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