we were pretty classy up until the second keg
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
