I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
