I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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