My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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