You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
