matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
