officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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