just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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