she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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