I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
