That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
