I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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