i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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