let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
