So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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