Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
