I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
