I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's shark week go big or go home
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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