i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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