he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
