All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There's a naked man in my car right now.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Randomize
