I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You don't make any sense
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