I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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