I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
