There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
