There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
